As I prayed and planned how we would fundraise the money to get to YWAM Family DTS I began to wonder if I was good enough. The fear of not being good enough has been a struggle for me since the beginning of my faith journey. It’s something I continue to struggle with but it’s also something God continually reminds me isn’t true.
Here’s a story about something that happened near the beginning of our YWAM planning.
My husband came home from work and we started to talk about some ideas on how we would fundraise. Our conversation shifted to YWAMs goal of having less divorced parents and how we felt about that topic. I said to him that I had a hard time trusting that God wouldn’t just give up on me one day because many of the other males in my life had.
Thinking nothing of it really I go back to looking for ways to fundraise our money for this mission trip. I come across a video that’s 45 minutes long all about fundraising but I pause it and then get distracted with helping the kids and putting them to bed.
The kids are finally in bed, I come back downstairs. My husband and I are both sitting in the kitchen when the tv starts playing. Not only did my YouTube unpause while no one was in the room, THE VIDEO CHANGED! I go to look at the video and it’s a video called “learn to live the life God has called you to” by a fellow named Nick Vujicic. I think the video is going to be about our calling to be a missionary family so I say to my husband, “clearly I am meant to watch this.”
Shortly into the video, I realized the video was actually about how God needed me for his work. I’m sitting there listening to Nick’s amazing story and I’m so stubborn I say to myself, well, of course, God isn’t going to leave him, look how much good he is doing for God. I continue to watch and near the end, Nick tells a story about an old woman in a brothel who was healed by God. Not any old woman but the woman who started the entire block of brothels; who profited off of the abuse of women, children, and human trafficking. Right then I heard God so clearly, “I will not leave her, I will not leave you, I will not leave any of my children.”
HE WILL NOT LEAVE ME! What an awesome feeling it is to know that I have a father who will never leave me. I can not do anything that will make Him love me less. A father who will be there for me no matter what and will give me everything I need, simply because I’m His child!